Start with curiosity
Living with someone who has ADHD, or may have it, can bring warmth and creativity as well as friction around chores, time, noise, money or communication. The aim is not to excuse every difficulty, but to understand patterns together.
Assumptions about effort or intent can quickly make conflict worse.
Make the invisible visible
Agree shared systems for tasks: a visible list, a regular planning conversation, reminders that both people accept, and clear ownership of jobs. Keep requests specific and realistic.
Choose calm moments to discuss what is working rather than trying to solve everything during an argument.
Protect boundaries and repair
Support does not mean taking responsibility for another adult’s life. It is okay to set boundaries around respect, finances, safety and shared commitments.
When something goes wrong, focus on repair: what happened, what impact did it have, and what change might make the next time easier?
Get support when needed
Couples counselling, family support or individual healthcare advice can be useful when conflict is persistent. If there is coercion, abuse or immediate danger, seek specialist help rather than relying on ADHD explanations.